


Almost A Year

by corys_the_bosmer



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, i’m really sorry, you will need tissues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-06-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:54:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24867184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/corys_the_bosmer/pseuds/corys_the_bosmer
Summary: Almost a year after the events of season 8, Brienne reflects of love and loss.
Relationships: Jaime Lannister/Brienne of Tarth
Comments: 14
Kudos: 40





	Almost A Year

She’d almost lost track of how much time had passed. The members of the new Small Council had been kept busy rebuilding the capital and trying to maintain the peace of the new world. She hadn’t realised it was almost a year since the Battle of Winterfell until Tyrion suggested some kind of celebration to mark the event.

Plans had been made quickly in the following weeks, and Brienne had been kept busy helping to organise guards throughout the Red Keep. There would be a feast in a few days, and lords and ladies would be arriving from all over the Seven Kingdoms to join the festivities.

Brienne welcomed the distraction. It kept her from thinking about things that had happened in the weeks following the battle.

It had been almost a year since she’d last seen him. Almost a year since she’d heard his voice.

She kept trying to push the thought away, but it remained at the back of her mind, nibbling away like a small animal.

She managed to keep it at bay until one evening when she was alone in the White Tower. She needed to make a few additions to the White Book of Brothers. 

She remembered a day long ago when they’d been in that room together. The day he’d given her Oathkeeper. She’d never been one for day-dreaming, but sometimes she thought she could almost feel him standing near her as she worked. He’d told her once that he was proud of her for finding Sansa. She wondered if he would be proud of her now.

As she turned the pages to begin a new entry, it fell open on his page. At the sight of his name at the top, with the red and gold Lannister sigil in the corner, she found she couldn’t fight the memories any longer.

Memories she would never want to forget, and ones she wished she could.

Almost a year since the feast. She remembered his smile as they’d laughed together with Tyrion and Podrick, happy to be alive and together.

Almost a year since her life had changed again. She couldn’t help smiling to herself when she remembered how he’d walked into her room that night, complaining about how hot it was. He’d told her later how nervous he’d been. The confession had surprised her at first, but he’d never been with anyone apart from Cersei. It was as new to him as it had been to her.

He’d been afraid that she’d reject him, or that she would rather Tormund was at her door instead. 

As if she could ever have pushed him away.

And they’d been happy, for a time. She remembered other smiles, soft and sleepy as he’d laid beside her, warm and content.

She’d known it might not last forever, but she’d never expected it to end quite so abruptly.

Almost a year since the raven had come, bringing news from the south. He’d been quieter than usual for the rest of the day. When he’d come to her room that evening he’d wrapped his arms around her without saying a word, holding her tight for the longest time.

After a while he’d kissed her cheek, then her lips. She’d wanted to ask if something was wrong, but she could feel his urgency rising as he’d kissed her, reaching to unfasten her cloak, and somehow it didn’t seem to matter.

They’d made love that night, their passion pushing away all thoughts of the war in the south. Afterwards he lay with his face hidden in her neck as his breathing slowed. She remembered his words whispered into her ear.

_I love you. I love you so much. You know that, don’t you?_

 _I know,_ she’d told him.

__He’d kissed her again, slow and sweet, before moving to lie beside her. They’d lay quietly for a time, his fingers gentle on her face, his eyes never leaving hers. She hadn’t realised it at the time, but he’d been saying goodbye._ _

__She wondered how long he’d waited before getting out of bed, if he’d slept at all that night. She doubted it. He’d looked so tired when she’d found him in the courtyard, weighed down by sorrow and regret._ _

__Almost a year since she’d felt his skin against hers. He’d been reluctant to look up at her, his eyes filled with so much pain when he did. She tried hard not to think about the last words he’d said to her._ _

_You weren’t hateful, Jaime,_ she thought. _You were a good man._

She could feel tears start to prickle her eyes as she stared at the words on his page. She didn’t want to remember that night, didn’t want to remember the sound of his horse’s hooves fading away into the distance. 

__She’d long since forgiven him for leaving, but the pain of loss was still there. The loss of him, and the loss of everything that might have been, the life they could have had together. Perhaps the pain would always be there._ _

__She pushed the thought aside, thinking instead about his face, his smile, his voice, the moments they’d shared together._ _

__A knock at the door startled her out of her reverie. She took a moment to compose herself, blinking away any remaining tears._ _

__“Enter,” she called out._ _

__It was Podrick._ _

__“Lord Tyrion has been looking for you. He wants to talk to about the feast.”_ _

__Brienne nodded._ _

__“Thank you, Podrick. I’ll be down in a moment.”_ _

__Podrick bowed briefly before leaving. She suspected he knew what had been on her mind recently, but he knew better than to ask._ _

__She took a deep breath before rising from the table. She looked around the room to check that everything was in order before leaving._ _

__It had been almost a year since she’d heard the words out loud, but somehow she heard them now, as if he was standing beside her._ _

_I love you. So much._

____

____

____“I love you too,” she whispered to the empty room._ _ _ _

____She hoped that wherever he was he heard her, and understood._ _ _ _

**Author's Note:**

> If you made it to the end of this, thank you, and I’m sorry.
> 
> I swear this will be the only ‘canon compliant’ thing I ever write, because as we all know the canon is total bs.
> 
> But I needed to write this just to get it out of my head.
> 
> In future I’m going to stick to happy, romantic, totally not tragic fluff. And possibly smut. And maybe more Duncan. ;)


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